Meeting Haze

Well, it's now three weeks since I finally met my sister. It has been a rollercoaster of an experience - so many highs and laughter together with tears.

The photo here is me and Haze at the airport 5 minutes after meeting for the first time.

On the Wednesday before I met her the enormity of the event - meeting her for the first time in 40 years was starting to set in.

I wrote:

"I first started to seriously think about the possibility of meeting Haze over five years ago, when a brush with breast cancer brought my mortality into sharp relief. The shock of possible death, together with the knowledge that it could be hereditary was an impetus to find out about my early years in care and start to find Haze. The search was difficult and made less easy by the fact that our mother had no desire to meet Haze. Our mother had given Haze for adoption in 1966 and had kept me – the toddler from a previous relationship.

I have always struggled with why this was. Why on earth did my mum keep me – the mixed race child and give away the white baby from a more recent relationship? I am still waiting for a credible answer. She has recently begun to try and explain. I think I understand some of why it might be difficult. She was clearly very afraid of loosing me and more so of loosing both of us. I think in her mind giving one child up meant that she would at least hang onto the other.

Immediately after Haze and I were reunited (by email and phone through a NORCAP intermediary) we made plans to meet. The plan was for me to fly out to Australia and stay with her in Brisbane. I even managed to line up some work while I was out there. Everything was going so well. Haze and I were getting on famously – the same laugh and sense of humour, similar likes and dislikes, we had even followed each other around London during our teenage years. We couldn’t believe that we had probably passed each other on the street and had no idea at all! Photographs showed very little physical similarities – we had both clearly taken after our fathers, but this did not seem to matter at all.

With plane tickets and visa arrangements sorted, I discovered another lump and very shortly had it confirmed as a recurrence of the breast cancer from five years previously. All our plans had to be put on hold and we continued to keep regular contact via email and phone throughout my treatment. It means that there has been a delay of almost a year from our initial plans to meet. In that time, my Nanna died and has left a huge gap in my life. She was my touchstone, my rock, who was always there for me through good, bad and plain ordinary. I’m torn between enormous sadness that Haze will never get to meet her and huge joy that her mother Jenny did. They were going to write a book together – the story of two remarkable women who adopted the mother and child. It would have been a best seller!"

I have now met Haze, her son David, wife Hannah and baby Charlie together with Jenny and Bill and am amazed at how well everything has turned out. I will write more about our adventures.

Race For Life Sponsorship

http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/jessosorio

Please sponsor my friend Jess who is running the Race for Life!! If you go to the above link you can send her some money over a secure link.
Well done Jess – I’ll be with you next year.

Who else wants to come?

Long Man Walk

Went out today with Tim for my first long walk to....Long Man! This is the chalk figure cut into Windover Hill in Wilmington. Apparently if you see it from the air the figure is elongated, but on ground level s/he looks fairly normal. Tim has Manflu, so I was surprised that he managed to get as far as he did and I surprised myself. Got all the way to the top and back! Completely out of breath and my legs felt like lead, especially going up the hill, but SO great to be able to do it. My legs have now seized up and Tim is in bed, so might revise that optimistic view tomorrow.

A for Arimidex

As well as Z for Zoladex, I can go right back in the alphabet and also have ‘A’ for Arimidex (AKA Anastrozole) . I’m just about to start taking this drug, having pondered on it for some time. My cancer needs oestrogen to grow. Hence the monthly Zoladex (see previous post) to knock out my ovaries and the main source of oestrogen.


As I have rapidly moved from pre to post menopausal the other main source of oestrogen is through the conversion of sex hormones called androgens into oestrogens. This happens through the work of an enzyme called aromatase. As I am still slim, I was rather hopeful that there wouldn’t be a lot happening as this process happens in the fatty tissues of the body…., but seems that it is still happening regardless of how skinny I am.

This conversion process has a wonderful name -‘aromatisation’ that puts me in mind of nice smelly things like aromatherapy and head massages. Sadly, in my case this process of aromatisation needs to be blocked to reduce still further the amount of oestrogen in my body. This is what Arimidex does as it is an aromatase inhibitor.

However, all this comes at a price. The official Arimidex website says:
“In the early breast cancer clinical trial, the most common side effects seen with ARIMIDEX include hot flashes, joint symptoms, weakness, mood changes, pain, sore throat, nausea and vomiting, depression, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, swelling of arms/legs and headache. Fractures (including fractures of the spine, hip, and wrist) occurred more frequently with ARIMIDEX than with tamoxifen (10% vs 7%). In advanced breast cancer clinical trials, the most common side effects seen with ARIMIDEX include hot flashes, nausea, decreased energy and weakness, pain, back pain, bone pain, and increased cough. Joint pain/stiffness has been reported in association with the use of ARIMIDEX.”

I seem to have most of these symptoms already from the chemo, so am hoping that I won’t notice any more.